@Cheeseboy22: Horse buying tip: ALWAYS ask how much horsepower a horse has. If a horse has less than one horsepower, you've got yourself a crap horse.
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@joci2203: [first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?
@SwedishCanary: Phones have become so expensive that if you fall and hear a cracking sound you pray that it was your leg.
@jonnysun: *sees a baby screaming on the plane* wait-- WAIT. WHY IS HE SCREAMING. OH MY GOD WHY IS HE SCREAMING. WHAT DOSE HE KNOW THAT WE DONT
@KevinFarzad: Following politics is fun cuz it combines the entertainment of reality TV with the thrill of possibly dying in real life