@DamonHunzeker: Horses kill more people than sharks, which is weird -- I didn't even know horses could live underwater.
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@FuckabillyRex: Her: Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Me: It's a meatball sub and I'm happy as long as I don't have to share
@ThisOneSayz: Interviewer: what makes you qualified for the janitor position? Me: I used to be on the curling team in college.
@runolgarun: *TSA officer opens my suitcase, disembodied fist pops out and punches him* me: sry sir I forgot I packed a powerful punch *TSA guns me down*