@DamonHunzeker: Horses kill more people than sharks, which is weird -- I didn't even know horses could live underwater.
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@ch000ch: [time traveler returns home to 1881] guys i forgot to grab the cure for malaria but here's some...DORITOS LOCOS TACOS [loud cheering]
@causticbob: Why is it the only thing a woman wants out of a man these days is security? Well it's the first thing they say when I approach them.
@YoungNobler: It's the 20th anniversary of Infinite Jest and the 6th anniversary of my buying Infinite Jest and never getting around to reading it.