@DamonHunzeker: Horses kill more people than sharks, which is weird -- I didn't even know horses could live underwater.
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@trojansauce: FRIEND:i suffer badly with insomnia ME:what's that FRIEND:it's where you can't sleep ME:you just*lays down*just like this *falls asleep*see?
@LoveNLunchmeat: Quick question: How many bowls of mac and cheese can you eat during a Skype job interview before you look unprofessional?
@thisis_thatguy: I just heard an add on the radio stressing the importance of healthy muscles and it inspired me to bend my elbows more while eating cake.
@juneohara65: I'd get into a lesbian relationship just to mooch my girlfriend's hair care products.