@brianbowman73: HOT LOCAL SINGLES IN YOUR AREA WANT YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER.
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@VerifiedDrunk: I set my alarm clock 15 minutes fast because I enjoy doing math problems first thing in the morning,
@TheBoydP: I try not to be loud in the office restroom stall unless my boss is in the restroom, because then I want to prove I'm not just goofing off.
@TheHyyyype: MOM: your friends smoke weed so now u do? ME: uh- MOM: if they jumped off a bridge, would u jump too? ME: guess it depends how high i was
@JB4Realz: INTERVIEWER: What would you say is your greatest weakness? ME: Well, for starters, I'm unemployed.