@brianbowman73: HOT LOCAL SINGLES IN YOUR AREA WANT YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER.
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@jonnysun: 5 lil monkeys jumping on the bed one fell off & bumped his head called the doctor & the doctor said U DO NOT HAVE A PERMIT FOR THESE ANIMALS
@pixelatedboat: You (drinking coffee): Drugs are bad Me (smugly injecting heroin): Actually, coffee is a drug
@girlontapas: That awkward moment when he asks you if you're mad and you assure him that you're very happy and he says... "No, I meant, you seem crazy."
@Mr_Kapowski: All my punishment tactics against my 8 year old were in vain until I threatened to transfer her most valued Pokémon to the Professor