@thepunningman: Hot mothers in your area want you to text them to let them know you got home ok.
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@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.
@AnOrangeSNES: Yes Pony Express? I ordered a pony 27 minutes ago and I still didn't get it. What kind of fast food joint do you run here?
@TeaPartyCat: Duck Dynasty guy is right-- if we baptize all those ISIS guys, Iraq will be safe because Christians never start wars for bullshit reasons.
@abhorrent_wife: Thanks to Target's full length 3 way mirrors, I'm now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.