@dulcetry: Hot shingles in your area are looking to give your dermatomes a painfully good time!
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@QwertyJones3: Girl: I dumped my last boyfriend cause he always gave short answers. I never knew what he was thinking. That's so annoying, right? Me: Word
@UnfilteredMama: Friend w/o kids: I'm planning a meditation retreat next month. Me: One of my kids has been shaking a metal tin full of coins FOR AN HOUR.
@stephenjmolloy: "Nutella causes cancer" says one scientist with his mouth covered in chocolate. "Send your jars to me and I will dispose of them."