@JaySaysStuff: Hot single dads in your area AREN'T WORKING 60 HOURS A WEEK FOR YOU TO AIR CONDITION THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR.
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@10InchesPlus: A TV show where customers get to hear what employees said 10 seconds after they left the store.
@Brampersandon_: [pharmacy] "Can I help you?" Yeah, could you recommend anything over the counter for this? *lifts shirt to reveal 7 fresh gunshot wounds*
@TheGladStork: When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.