@Slave_4_U: Hot single senior citizens in your area need air conditioning.
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@SteveSuckington: If a serial killer commits suicide, you can console his family by saying, "hey, at least he died doing what he loved"
@clindsaysway: Grandma used the same wrapping paper for 25 years, so don't tell me about the great 'bargain' you found.
@QueefTornado: Wife was feeling kinky last night so she got naked and I tied her to the headboard, then me and my buddy ordered pizza and played X-Box.
@KyleMcDowell86: [Bowling Alley] "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any bowling shoes left" *gestures towards a happy family of centipedes bowling*