@IGotsSmarts: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE BEING TURNED INTO GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES RIGHT NOW!
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@timk927: Saying someone is doing something "like a boss" to me is an insult because my boss does things half assed & incorrectly then blames others
@Izianikapani: My kids don't drive me to drink. Can't wait until they get their license and they can though.
@KentWGraham: Wife snake: Did you eat the last rat? Husband snake (shape of rat in stomach): What rat?
@medievalfun: Jesus:"table for 26 please" Waiter: "but there are 13 of you" J: "yes but we're all going to sit on the same side"