@Playing_Dad: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE HIDING BEHIND THE CORNER. THEY ARE GOING TO JUMP OUT AND TAKE YOUR PHONE, WALLET AND PURSE.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: Why do I have to share a room? Me: It could be worse. Harry Potter slept in a cupboard under the stairs. 6: Yeah. By himself.
@NinsunG: Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
@WilliamAder: Doctor: Have you quit smoking yet? Me: Has there been a string of unsolved murders in the news? Doctor: No. Me: Then, no, I haven't.