@pizzasauceboss: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR FANNYPACK WANT TO GO IN THE VENDING MACHINE.
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@CloydRivers: If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It's science.
@Parentpains: Name your child autocorrect, because eventually they'll just finish your sentences and correct you every chance they get too.
@theshamingofjay: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like shit until you have something someone else needs
@iGreenMonk: Every night I keep a pillow under my gun in case a murderer threatens me to a pillow fight.