@pizzasauceboss: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR FANNYPACK WANT TO GO IN THE VENDING MACHINE.
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@ericsshadow: What kind of deranged lunatic gets home from a long night at the bar and eats a piece of fruit?
@jngraphs: *Writes a song for you* *Sings it under your bedroom window* *You call the cops* *Your husband falls in love with me*
@tigersgoroooar: just saw a church sign that says, “santa claus never died for anyone.” and i’m like, “okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse.”