@pizzasauceboss: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR FANNYPACK WANT TO GO IN THE VENDING MACHINE.
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@gabeserra: My 3 yr old puts himself in timeout whenever he doesn't want to do something we ask him to. Pretty sure he just beat the system.
@spcycucumber: Its not what it looks like officer! "you were driving down the highway taking selfies singing n'sync" Ok I guess it was what it looked like
@discoken: I wrote "Clarence sale" instead of "clearance sale" and now there are angry old ladies here looking for a husband.
@ohheyohhihello: I stole a friend's phone today and set it so it will autocorrect "I've" to "me've" and me'm really excited about it.