@MarkAFuqua_Hunt: Hotel beds are often all the proof I need that Satan owns a mattress factory.
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@El_nacho_Nigre: So, if 4 out of 5 people suffer some medical condition, does that mean the other 1 person enjoys it?
@Dad_in_Brief: It says “Keep away from children” on the bottle of my anxiety pills. If I had taken that advice, I wouldn’t need the pills.
@burnie: Interviewer: what qualifies you to be an Uber driver? *Candidate tells rambling 5 hour story* Interviewer: you're just what we need