@JohnCleese: Hotel Security just knocked on my door to deliver a package. He asked for indentification. I showed him my book,with my name and face on it
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@jergarl: I walked out naked one time and she's like wtf. And I'm like this is how god made me! And she's like no that's how beer and tacos made you.
@Jacksawyerr: If I could be any super hero I'd be The Flash, but instead of wearing his costume I'd wear a trench coat. Same name, different purpose.
@matt___nelson: "Will he ever wake up?" He's been in a coma for 3 weeks but watch this. *starts playing Pitbull* *patient wakes up to turn off the music*