@geowizzacist: House for sale. Spider on ceiling.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@iAmDelFreaky: Everybody at the party got upset when Baby Jesus turned the wine into breast milk.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: What did you get me for Mother's Day? 3-year-old: A cake. Wife: Where is it? 3: You haven't made it yet.
@JIMBOSWELT: Randomly screaming and moaning in agony is a great way to get a seat by yourself on a packed bus.
@AmishPornStar1: Teachers at the pre-school ask why I'm in a good mood in the morning... I'm like, "Duh...did you not see me just leave my kids with you?"