@kwirkyKerri: Of course I'm not leaving. I'm just going to step outside for a minute. (Runs to car)

@NicholasPegg: Retweet if you are using Snapchat's new Snap Map location feature to hunt down straight men and turn them gay.

@JayCee302: Me: Yeah man, got her right where I want her Bartender: Oh yeah? Me: Yup, sitting at home while the cable man works on th ::rushes home::

@shutupmikeginn: Spice things up in a first date by wearing a parachute and refusing to talk about it

@Marcmywords2: Someone called me yesterday and said, "Hello, is this Ross" I said " no it's Chandler" And they hung up. So much for trying to be Friends.