@TheCiscoKidder: How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don't have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
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@trevso_electric: "Jessica wasn't usually dead. So when we found her dead we immediately knew something was wrong." -Investigation Discovery
@BuckyIsotope: Vladimir Putin seems like the kind of guy who would fake a sneeze and flip the board over when he's losing at Risk.
@funnybeachgirl: I remember 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with dad and left with mom.
@delusions_of: I try to pick my battles wisely but earlier I slapped a microwave while screaming at it.