@TheCiscoKidder: How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don't have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
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@NurseSeymour: I hear my ex is now into cross dressing & looking for same. At least that's what the Craigslist ad I just posted on his behalf says.
@randomnloveit: Dear people that brush your teeth in the bathroom at work: stop that. You don't live here. Chew gum like the rest of us.
@ibid78: Momma bird: welcome to the world! Baby bird: thx! M: for the next few months instead of food, I'ma just throw up in your mouth. B: wait what
@angeliav68: Truthfully officer, I wouldn't have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving..