@TheCiscoKidder: How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don't have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
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@_ElvishPresley_: cop: looks like the groom was murdered by his best man detective: so you're saying it was a *removes sunglasses* homiecide cop: I don't get it detective: bc you have no friends, neil
@JoParkerBear: Protect your Twitter account from plagiarism by only tweeting things that nobody cares about.
@marinhubka: I milked the cow "We don't have a cow" the neighbors' cow then "Their cat?" Pretty sure it was a cow he was saying moo "Meow" Ah shoot
@TheTweetOfGod: I believe meat is murder, vegetables are burglary, bread is mail fraud and dairy is impersonating a police officer.