@TheCiscoKidder: How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don't have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@OhNoSheTwitnt: [coworker starts talking to me at my cubicle] Welp, nice chatting. This is my stop. [puts in earbuds]
@HeyZeus666: Fatherhood Tip : If there's puke in your coat pocket and poop on your shoulder, you're holding the baby upside down.
@tastefactory: I smoked e-cigs for so long that I got e-cancer. I'm ok though, I just swallowed a Norton Antivirus cd and it cleared things up.
@jergarl: I'm ONLY remembering to drink fluids because you told me to. NOT because fluids are literally the only thing you CAN drink, KAREN.