@briangaar: How about a superhero whose power is TAKING CARE OF HIS KIDS *high-fives Maury audience while Batman storms off*
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@BuckyIsotope: When you gaze into the abyss sometimes the abyss pats you gently on the hand and says she's just not that into you.
@SuperJuanderer: If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead.
@Macar00ny: Give a man a subtweet and he'll be like "is this about me?" Teach a man to subtweet you'll be like "is that about me?"