@ramenfuneral: "how about an animal that looks like a cross between a horse and a barcode" - creator of zebras
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@EndhooS: [1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]
@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
@SatansTongue: Where is your 1,000 word essay? "Right here" *pulls out selfie* That's a picture... "A picture is worth 1,000 words" *becomes valedictorian*