@juliussharpe: How about instead of shaking hands we nod at each other and that way we both won't have to wash our hands?
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@KPsych29: My eyes physically can't roll any higher up into my skull to show you how annoying you are.
@dreamthievin: I get out of awkward dinner party convos by telling people it's my first outing since the psychiatrist declared me unfit to stand trial
@Phook75: I'm actually not sure if the Wife decorated the tree really well or she just created the best Lady Gaga outfit in history