@BeardSpice: "How about know" -existentialist teen
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@cortronic: It's just sad how often I see zookeepers breaking their own "Don't Feed the Animals" rule.
@NOT_UmaThurman: [Jesus on a blind date] Christians: "Hmm, you seemed whiter in your profile picture"
@KevinFarzad: Being a newspaper boy combines two of my favorite things: legally throwing things at people's houses & keeping my fellow citizens informed
@arealliveghost: my computer is organized exactly like my brain, which is to say that I just found a photo of a baby weasel alone in a folder called "good"