@Jamiejamzz: How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
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@daemonic3: The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco.
@thatUPSdude: My friend told me his wife talks a lot in her sleep "I know" was probably not the right answer
@Prof_Peejay: Her:"What do you do?" Me:"I teach astronomy." Her:"OMG!! I'm a Sagitarius! Can you see my future?" Me:"Yes, you'll go home alone tonight."