@filth_waste: how are we gonna sell our car this year? how about a commercial where the car is driving around on roads. great work everyone time for lunch
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Teen: Your outfit is on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your MOM is on fleek. Teen: (smiles) Thank you! Me: God damn it.
@UncleDuke1969: Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me "YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO." Brain: Perfect!
@jonnysun: when u get caugt lying on ur resume but u still try to convince the interviewer that ur qualified for the job
@NicestHippo: [Lions watching a romantic comedy about humans] Why doesn't he simply mount her with no apparent warning?