@jessokfine: How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult? It's like, oh you gave birth to me? Please enjoy this fancy candle.
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@Kendragarden: My mom just put a pic on Facebook that says, "Share if your daughter is beautiful AND smart." She tagged my sister.
@TheCatWhisprer: gas pump: do you want a receipt? Y/N me: *presses yes* gas pump: me: *pressing harder* YES gas pump: lol nope
@CoolCamel69: "we're broke? how is that possible?" (extremely high pitched voice) no idea "did you-" *opens closet & hundreds of helium tanks fall out*
@MattElGato: *intercom comes on* "Would the owner of a white Jetta with headlight eyelashes please report to the front desk so u can be shot in the face"