@str8upjuggahos: How can a middle aged unemployed rat with 4 teenage turtles afford so much pizza?
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@JonasPolsky: I was about to commit suicide, but then a Nicki Minaj song came on the radio -- so I committed suicide twice.
@Snarfernini: He said we needed to talk so I screamed 'Who are you & what are you doing in my house?' Long story short, it was his house & his wife is mad
@JohnLyonTweets: Her: Hi hun. Atilla: [under breath] I told you not to call me that in front of the men. It might stick.
@thatcarlygirl: [cashier training, day 1] "Be sure to comment on everything a customer buys. They love that."