@str8upjuggahos: How can a middle aged unemployed rat with 4 teenage turtles afford so much pizza?
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@Dani_Feld: Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: *cries* Dr: Um, are you sexually- Me: *cries harder* Dr: .....Ok. Do you drink? Me: YES I BLOODY DRINK
@ArielDumas: Cat: What are you doing? Me: Nothing. Cat: You were looking at younger cats again. Me: No Cat: Show me your Instagram feed. Me: No way.
@INDlAN_: If you think it hurts to lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, you've clearly never lost close to 500 GB's worth of data on your hard drive.
@BakedBrotatoes: -Does it have apples in it? -No. -What about pine? -No pine either. -Perfect, we'll call it a pineapple.