@GianDoh: How can I relax when every aspect of my physical and mental state is governed by something called The Nervous System?
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@Scdavis24: Two things I will never understand the appeal of: 1) Open relationships 2) Hairless cats
@DonQuickoats: I don't even know how my dog can even think how I might fall for the notion someone else tore apart my shoe
@NicestHippo: We'd love to offer you the job [My phone buzzes] Congrats on your 250★ tweet! ME [leaving]: Lol no thanks I won't be needing to work anymore
@SammySkinns: Recent studies show that eating bacon or other red meats increases your chances of dying by 20% So apparently I have a 120% chance of dying