@KentWGraham: How can my wife's hands not open a jar of pickles in the day, but become superhuman vice-grips at night when I want some covers?
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@vineyille: Celebrating christmas in another country, santa leaves a chicken cutlet in my boot. "Is that good?" No one will make eye contact with me.
@AndyAsAdjective: KID IN THE BACKSEAT: how much longer do we have to drive? BON JOVI DAD: oh…we're halfway there…
@ibid78: Eight glasses of water a day? Nope. I do a minimum of sixteen. Keeps you looking young. Take me for example. I was born in 1926.