@NervousJr: How can you waste food when there are starving children in...ew onions.
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@TheToddWilliams: [interview] BOSS: Any special skills? ME: Skills? BOSS: Like strengths ME: Oh right. I'd say my vocabulary BOSS: Hm... ME: That means words
@JermHimselfish: Peanut butter and jelly are so in love with each other that all they do is lay around in bread all day.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4 y.o: I used the potty. Can I have a treat? Me: No. You always go in the potty 4: I can stop Me: Apparently I negotiate with terrorists