@michaelianblack: How come my wife can't hold her bladder for more than three hours but she can hold a grudge for fourteen years?
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@TinaMav: Next time a stranger talks to me when I'm alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper "You can see me?"..
@ImaFlyontheWall: Me: So you're an Atheist? Him: Yup! Me: So what year is it? Him: 2015 Me: based on how years are counted after a certain birth?
@lisaxy424: Going to sleep: It's so cold in here, I'm totally wearing these socks to bed Middle of the night: GET THESE DEVIL FOOT GLOVES OFF ME