@michaelianblack: How come my wife can't hold her bladder for more than three hours but she can hold a grudge for fourteen years?
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@lecalabara: Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal? He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal? Why won't you just text him?
@IamSoffWilliams: We all have that special someone in our lives that we wish would get run over by a truck.
@iamrandomape: SOLDIER DYING IN MY ARMS: tell everyone of my bravery [me 3 months later] I think he had a brewery