@michaelianblack: How come my wife can't hold her bladder for more than three hours but she can hold a grudge for fourteen years?
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@causticbob: I was kicked out of a strip club last night for throwing twenty quid at one of the strippers. Ok, I admit it was in pound coins.
@Brampersandon_: FRIEND: what was the best day of ur life WIFE: our wedding day ME (thinking of the time the Coke machine gave me 2 cans instead of 1): same
@LifeStricken: How do I explain to this 5yo why it is of paramount importance to use the word kitty instead of pussy in his Mother's day card?
@AphroditeAfter5: My boyfriend wants to do it like three times a week-----together. He's so demanding!