@zeugirdorej: How come Noah didn't just slap those two mosquitoes?
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@doktorj: If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition.
@drhappyknuckles: I'm writing a screenplay where a shark attacks people at the beach but, like, emotionally.
@vornietom: When I was just a little girl I asked my mother, what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me No