@zeugirdorej: How come Noah didn't just slap those two mosquitoes?
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: David Duke says Jews aren't white. Eric Trump says Democrats aren't people. So I guess today begins my new life as a purple dragon.
@dmc1138: While everyone is busy complaining about their tweets being stolen & put on Facebook, I've quietly become the funniest person on MySpace!
@mess_of_petals: [My relationship with TV] There's nothing on. *watches nothing for the next six hours.
@jazmasta: BREAKING: Olympic athlete stripped of medal after urine sample shows traces of rubber, which is a band substance