@avaricious1: How come the only people who can open childproof lids are children? My nephew charges me two vicodin just to open the bottle.
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@UncleDuke1969: Date: So… Tinder, huh? Me: Yup. Date: … Me: This is kind of awkward. Date: Maybe we should’ve used real pictures. Me: You think so, MOM?
@Shot_Of_Cabo: If you guys don't hear from your sexy lady friend TC today it's because he's spending Father's Day with his family.
@euphriae: THERES THIS COUPLE ON THE SUBWAY AND THE DUDE IS SO HEATED AND JUST SAID "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BABY PIGEON??? NO!! THATS BC THE GOVERMENT CREATED BIRD ROBOTS TO SPY ON US" AND SHE JUST WENT "KEVIN THERE ARE MIDDLE AGE PAINTINGS WITH PIGEONS" AND HE, AGAIN SAID "THE GOVERMENT"