@avaricious1: How come the only people who can open childproof lids are children? My nephew charges me two vicodin just to open the bottle.
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@LindzThoughts: I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I'm sorry. but I've moved on.
@huntigula: [interview] BOSS: So you have zero experience? ME: Hire me & I'll give u a sweet nickname B: That's absurd.. ME: Lazerwolf B: Welcome aboard
@briancthayer: [house hunting] Friend: *hurls spear into vinyl siding* GOT ONE! Me: *hacking at brick siding w/ sword* GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME!