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@lilpwoppa: How come they only do that moustache oil for men? Sexism.
@HuttonGray: "How much for this remote controlled alien?"
"Sir, that's Stephen Hawking."
@KKAlThani: Every time I pick up my phone after dropping it, I feel like one of those worried girls in movies who just took a pregnancy test.
@moose_chocolate: "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud"
@MensHumor: Sorry, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours.
@SaraMansford: I added broccoli to my kid's Mac n Cheese and now he's sitting in a spinny chair, petting a hairless cat and plotting his revenge.