@lilpwoppa: How come they only do that moustache oil for men? Sexism.
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@rickolantern: A super moon is just like a regular moon except Lois Lane doesn't recognize it when it's wearing horn rimmed glasses
@KeetPotato: wife: "he never reacts appropriately, just tell him" doctor: "ok, keith we had to remove both your legs" me: "where will i keep my car keys"
@NonCombosMentos: *incoming text* "hey bud can I crash at ur place" Sure come on over *sound of approaching airplane*