@lilpwoppa: How come they only do that moustache oil for men? Sexism.
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@patrickhogan91: *Frankenstein arrives with his monster at a bodybuilding contest* "Oh, you meant... you meant it like... ugh. Well that was a waste of time"
@HatfieldAnne: (starts to scramble eggs) “THESE YOLKS WON'T BREAK! THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!” (.0008 seconds later) “Oh, ok.”
@MatCro: [presentation] GUY WITH A COMBOVER NAMED IAN: So that's our plan for the next year. Any questions? ME: Why did you call your combover Ian?
@notacroc: [date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician