@GFGander: How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
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@Smethanie: Baby, you're a firework: You hold my interest for about 15 minutes and scare the shit out of my dog.
@matt___nelson: DOG 911: what's your emergency? DOG: *whispering* they put me in a stroller DOG 911: *covers phone* WE'VE GOT A CODE SLIGHTLY DARKER GREY
@briangaar: Son, let me tell you the story of the Three Bears. A girl broke into their house and they ate her. Stay out of my stuff, goodnight
@JackAsHell: If u ever rob someones house just bring guacamole that way if they catch you you can just yell surprise and tell them they're having a party