@mattmanic: How cute would it be if park rangers had tiny handcuffs for raccoons that steal campers' food?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@living_marble: Dearest wife, The war on Christmas goes well. We found an elf stronghold & cut off its candy cane supply lines. Last night, they ate Donner.
@furrrizzle: Dear diary, My date got really excited when I said I wanted to cook for him. Apparently Meth wasn't what he expected. Dating is bull shit
@EndhooS: [Don't let hot barrista know I'm a goose] "Can I get you a coffee?" Just a honk chonklate for me "A what?" CHOCOLATE, a hot chocolate plz.