@JllyJllyFish: How dare room service question "how many people" I need 8 mimosas for 🙄
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@my_minivan_life: 8yo: ... 6yo: ... 8yo: ... 6yo: ... 8yo: ... 6yo: ... 8yo: ....Punches 6yo in the face. Me: Woah,what the hell was that for? 8yo: He knows.
@eTHEgoddess: The glittery vampire from Twilight is putting out an album. In other news, real musicians continue to play for coins in the subway.
@ItsAndyRyan: *kissing on small couch* Her: We should have a threes- Me: I'll call Karen Her: ...three-seater. Karen? Me: I believe Karen sells furniture
@Book_Krazy: 911 What's your emergency Me: I'm calling to complain about the quality of this cocaine 911: The police are on their way Me: Thanks