@jwoodham: "How dare you accuse us of cheating?" said the Patriots, struggling to get a jersey on the giant robot tiger that Katy Perry rode in on.
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@dreamthievin: A true Columbus Day sale in a mattress store would mean all the merchandise is infested with smallpox
@jessokfine: I learned all my flirting from lizards so I just do a bunch of really fast pushups when I see a cute lizard.
@jeffswarens: If you stare at a 6 year old when they're eating a banana split, they hold it real close and eat faster.