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@sbellelauren: how dare you call me when dogs 101 is on
@caliluvgirl77: I can't have a boyfriend because my clean laundry goes on the other side of my bed.
@joeldanger: Every birthday is a surprise party after you turn 80.
@StevieKnip: Me: I hit the ejector seat and sent her through the roof by accident
Cop: you're under arrest. I'm taking you to jail
Me: let's take my car
@amishschool: Me: SORRY I HAVE TO HANG UP I'M HEADING INTO A TUNNEL
* hangs up land-line *
@caliluvgirl77: Police - OPEN UP OR WE ARE COMING IN
Me- SOUNDS GREAT CAN YOU GRAB MY CHARGER FROM MY CAR