@Terdoh: How dare you complain about your life? Someone's mom is Snooki.
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@RocketRankoon: Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill
@CastAwayKristen: Me: Dropped my phone & now screen doesn’t work. Help forum: Should’ve had a better case. Apparently, my mother works in Samsung support now.
@briancthayer: [exchanging vows] HIM: I'll love you forever. HER: I'll love you until you leave me a voicemail. HIM: Wait, what?! PRIEST: No, that's fair.