@U_Want_Shum_M8: How did harry potter get down the hill?? Walking .. JK Rownling
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@dorsalstream: [being held hostage] ME: [dejected] I thought there’d be more actual holding involved.
@Reverend_Scott: ME: I wish for a third dog to pet. GENIE: you're seriously wasting these wishes- ME: I DON'T REMEMBER WISHING FOR YOUR OPINION
@darkmatter_wimp: At the club, a 6'1" girl was crying in my lap. I just kept petting her hair, pretending she was a sad giraffe. Win-win.
@jjhartinger: ER Dr: What are you doing? Me: I'm decorating. ER Dr: Why? Me: According to my bill I live here now.