@mjkspeaks: How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
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@murrman5: [looking at wife's tombstone] today would've been our anniversary *falls to knees* why did I pre-buy her tombstone causing her to divorce me
@DurtMcHurtt: [dinner at brother's house] "So where are the kids?" Brother: I grounded them. *spits out meatloaf*
@weinerdog4life: Side effects may include: upset stomach, diarrhea, some wolves will chase you, like 6-12 wolves, it's ok
@enigmaterics: I've started my new diet by putting a salad in front of the beer. Thus I have to move it to get a beer. Because exercise is important too.