@robdelaney: How did SkyMall go bankrupt? I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.
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@WheelTod: *Prosecution points to badger*: Objection! This animal has no place in court! Defense: Your honor, the badger is prosecuting the witness
@ch000ch: this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don't know who's winning
@TheCareBare: "Baby last night you were so hot, let's do it all over again this morning." -me, speaking to this leftover pizza.