@robdelaney: How did SkyMall go bankrupt? I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.
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@InternetHippo: GOD: Peter, you will be heaven’s bouncer ST PETER: What the hell, I don’t want— ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he’ll make you a dog
@d_duhwit: Enviromentalists:"How can we stop the rising oceans Me (understands displacement but not enviromentalism):"Pull all those big whales out.
@ch000ch: it's cool when my one dog shits the other one has to go and inspect it like "just as i suspected guys. it's shit."