@NYC_Blonde: How did the butcher introduce his wife? MEET PATTY
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@djdarrellripley: Her: Remind me if I'm ever on life support, not to have you in charge of pulling the plug. Me: Yea, like I could get in front of that line.
@bigmacher: #ItsTheEndOfTheWorldAnd I'm going to run with scissors and swim immediately after eating!!!
@tarashoe: i'd be extra scared if a break-in occurred while i was in the shower and the burglar saw me in there, fully clothed and eatin my soup