@NYC_Blonde: How did the butcher introduce his wife? MEET PATTY
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@Brentweets: Chipotle has been hacked for an hour and hasn't noticed... Taylor Swift was hacked and wrote an album about it 30 seconds after.
@WordsOfaHooker: "So you're a foodie? What's a foodie?" "We enjoy eating out and trying new food." "So you're like everyone else, except you brag about it?"
@EndhooS: Surgeon: I'll be taking out your appendix today Me: [stomach rumbles] Surgeon: [puts stethoscope to my tummy] Appendix: I have a boyfriend