@StarksWeek: How did we go from crappy gas station coffee to "Yes I'll pay $7 for you to put that in a cup for me"?
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@joshweller: Dear every guy that works out excessively, the sun is out! NOW is your moment! It was all worth it! Take that shirt off and walk around!!
@ramenfuneral: somebody sell me a flock of sheep so i can give them cool superhero names like bahman, the green lambtern and wonder woolman
@Playing_Dad: [Walking around park with kid] Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green? Me: Because God wants to remind me I have no money everywhere
@behindyourback: Birds do it/Bees do it/Even educated fleas do it/Let's do it/Let's make people super nervous anytime we're in their personal space