@Karate_Horse: Always the pallbearer, never the dead guy

@myonlymizztake: The answer to the question, "do these jeans still fit" depends on whether or not I actually have to sit down at any point.

@LocalEmoMom: the gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian

@chopper4jk: I put an energy drink in my hummingbird feeder, now all my hummingbirds are going back in time and returning with tiny top hats.

@RumAndReeses: My husband grew a beard and suddenly I'm having to karate chop every woman we pass.