@david8hughes: How did you know I was a member of Al Qaida? Was it my knees? Do I have terrorist's knees? Oh, the bomb. Not the knees then? That's good.
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@illTortuga: I just made way too much pasta, so if you haven't eaten dinner yet, swing by and watch me eat way too much pasta.
@iwearaonesie: *pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower* me: Are we - stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?
@_Kim_Jongun: How does North Korea only have four medals so far? We're the best at everything. We even fed our athletes this time.