@causticbob: How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
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@UncleDuke1969: Her: Are you a dog person or a cat person? Me: ... H: ... M: ... H: Why are you hesitating? M: I'm not sure which answer will get me laid.
@ClichedOut: WAITER: u can choose between 6 chocolate desserts and carrot cake ME: the 6 chocolate desserts please
@_ElvishPresley_: *standing in front of my girlfriend's house, holding up boombox above my head* HEY CAN UR DAD FIX THIS FOR ME