@imdaintyaf: How do animals in children's books always have nicer houses than mine when they don't have jobs & all they do all day is learn life lessons?
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@nonsensetwit: If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled.
@jctwritesstuff: *gets up off bed* *puts pants back on* Oh...so you...you wanted ACTUAL tacos then?
@Thynebear: "Is your refrigerator running?" "My fridge used to run every day, but ever since he started smoking marijuana he just lays on the couch."
@outsmartedmommy: The best way to prepare for Motherhood is to put Dora on TV for 9 months, set your alarm for every 45 minutes and throw food on your floors.