@SamGrittner: How do chocolate labs not die of themselves?
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@SharkJelly: [1hr before date] Me: (to waiter) So when I order the extra spicy chicken you say 'brave choice sir' and then bring the Lemon Herb chicken
@fanofhell: *holds "bunny ears" over someone's head for five hours as they have their portrait painted*
@NicestHippo: [girlfriend yelling] You have an unhealthy attachment to your pets with weird names! [she knocks over my dead hamster's shrine] GILGAMESH!