@SamGrittner: How do chocolate labs not die of themselves?
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@nbadag: [restaurant] *patpatpat* ME: you hear that? *patpatPATPAT* DATE: what the [penguin bolts out of kitchen with a fish] CHEF: SOMEBODY STOP HIM
@VodkaThursday: Kid wants to sit at table, isn't tall enough Me: WHERE ARE ALL THE PHONEBOOKS?! Him: U threw them out saying, who the hell uses phone books?
@MandiAtRandom: I'm an early bird and a night owl, so I'm basically some form of permanently exhausted pigeon