@WookieOnUnicorn: How do I feel about your goatee? I shave every part of my legs except the knees, how do you feel about that?
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@juliussharpe: That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
@Reverend_Scott: DETECTIVE: TELL US WHERE THE STOLEN BANK MONEY IS HIDDEN ROBBER: Nope, but I WILL give you a series of clues DETECTIVE: ok this sounds fun
@xLiserx: *Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*
@ClaytonSykes: Having a beard makes it easier to hatch a scheme, but it's getting harder and harder to play on a public swing set by myself.