@AthenaMystique: How do I like my eggs? Unfertilized, thanks.
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@amelialikesyou: In conclusion, members of the board, I'm sorry I brought the wrong USB, & thank you for your feigned interest in my sesame street PowerPoint
@WilliamAder: Whenever someone jokingly replies, "Blocked," I laugh and laugh and then go check.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 3-year-old: A monster truck. I don't think insurance is going to cover that surgery.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I hate when people say "you always want what you don't have" like that's really insightful and not just explaining the definition of "want."