@DirtMcTurd: How do I raise my kids? Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it?
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@CelebrityChez: Wow, what a day. I volunteered at a soup kitchen, caught up on my scrapbookin', went 2 baby shower, ran 9 miles, then told lies on twitter.
@Holy_Mowgli: [spelling bee] JUDGE: the word is "semicolon" ME: can you use it in a sentence? JUDGE: not really, no
@MakesYouGiggle: Interviewer: Why did you apply for this job? Me: Because being broke and homeless didn't really call out to me.
@Drivelodeon: Lady, you misunderstood. When I asked if you would have my kids I didn't mean sex and babies. I meant take the ones I already have.