@weinerdog4life: How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it
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@OneTrickTofani: "GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL" "Sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse" "Oh rad bring it in"
@LoveNLunchmeat: Flung my bra across the room and it sailed right into the drawer, if any of you are looking to start a basketball team that uses bras.
@itsa_talia: one time a friend asked me "how are you still single?!" and the list of reasons is still compiling in my head
@bobvulfov: turn-ons: • eye contact • people who pay attention to me • people who know how to push my buttons • oh god im a television • how did this h―