@weinerdog4life: How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it
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@BitterOldPunk: "Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus" is on, followed by "Mega Shark vs Crocasaurus". Nice job, SyFy. Way to GIVE AWAY THAT GIANT OCTOPUS LOSES.
@itsa_talia: my cat sounds so cute when he sneezes but i really wish he'd stop wasting the coke. it's like goddamn amateur hour with him.
@leehopkins: Anti-gay preacher comes to Iceland. Locals buy all tickets to his event in Reykjavik, and then don't turn up, leaving empty arena. Class.